Dying To Live
by Koukotsu
Summary: We've all wondered 'What if I could live my life over again' Well, what if you had no choice? Kai Hiwatari would be quick to tell you otherwise. [Ch. 6 UP.]
1. Prologue

**DISCLAIMER: **BeyBlade is © copyright Aoki Takao and Bandai.

**NOTE: **Before you even _think _about jumping to conclusions, this is not meant to replace _The Last Moment _and _Movie Chaos_, however thanks to my inspiration going out the window I can not think of any updates for either so this is to fill in the gap and keep you, the readers entertained. This is not a one shot and will be a chapter fic, it is indeed an AU that has morbid themes and a lot of angst. Overall I hope you enjoy the fic!

**Dying To Live**

**by Koukotsu (JDM)**

**Prologue**

_It stung. It stung BADLY._

I feel a warm liquid forming on the front of my shirt, the thousands of gasps around me are heard as I weakly raise a hand, I can't believe it... the crimson color is staining my pale hands, DJ Jazzman stands over the arena with a shocked expression, Brooklyn caught his black blade in his hand before casting his icy blue eyes towards me, I can only gasp out a short breath of pain, I hear footsteps gathering around me, whispering and terrified screams. I don't quite understand what happened, I can only remember the darkness Zeus created dragging me under, it was like a cold and thick liquid.

I, Kai Hiwatari died September 13, 2003 during that tournament, all I can remember is the screams and the scared whispers, I'm sure I must of been dead in seconds though I never really felt the pain at all, I only remembered feeling something split through my chest and then I fell back onto the cold, hard floor with a deep red stain forming on my clothing and spilling onto my once white scarf. But the whole thing was so much like slow motion, the bright lights above me blinded me, but they were gradually becoming more and more dim as well as fuzzy and blurry.

I thought dying would hurt more than it did, but no, seeing my team's sadness and the tears they cried hurt even worse despite I barely felt the impact, I can't explain how it happened so quickly, one moment it was just a tournament, I was determined to defeat Brooklyn but the tables were turned, I never thought it could end this way, I remember gasping again from the faint throb that ached through me, I faintly remember Tyson dropping down beside me, his hands planted firmly on the cold floor and the crimson blood staining them red, his brown eyes glazed over with tears.

_"Kai! Please...don't die!" Tyson shouted jarring my almost limp body, I swore I could feel his tears pattering against my exposed flesh, from the corner of my eye - in my dying vision, I could see a horrified Hilary standing in the background, her ruby eyes wide as she lifted a hand to cover her mouth, tears coming to her eyes. I wanted to assure my team that I wasn't dying, that everything was alright._

_But I couldn't._

_I wanted so much to tell them that it didn't have to end here, but it was just too hard._

It's still as clear to me as it has ever been, I remember seeing the look in their eyes, begging and pleading me to hang on, that it would turn out alright in the end. But their eyes told a different story, they knew it was too late. I wanted to tell that that I was alright and that everything would be okay, but no words came. Only a gurgle and the taste of something warm, sticky and salty. I couldn't tell rather I was already dead or if I was just on the verge of it, but all I can remember is Tyson looming over me with tears pouring down his now pale face and everything just went black.

I couldn't see anymore but I could feel him and my other teammates on the floor down next to me, crying and hugging me. The last thing I remember was hearing Tyson's words of "It'll be okay, Kai, we'll get you help...you'll be able to live..."

I thought to myself, _"So this is what it's like. No bright light at the end of the tunnel, no angels with trumpets, only an icy darkness. No watching your life replay itself in front of you."_

I couldn't have been more wrong.

--

**To be continued...**


	2. Replay

**Chapter One: **Replay

_"Kai, wake up!"_

I am jolted awake by the voice of Tyson Granger, my head is spinning but I feel warm. There is no cold, icy darkness that I remember. My crimson eyes open to reveal the aquatic themed hotel room, I couldn't recall how far back this was but I know I had been here before, I groan and lift a hand to rub my eyes. For a moment it made me wonder if this was just some distorted memory and that I was actually a spirit hovering over the room, watching it all replay before my eyes. Though there was something in the pit of my stomach telling me that this wasn't what I thought it was.

I pulled my hand away and it was solid, not ghostly.

_Solid._

I feel my heart beat speed up, I can't recall how this happened, though I shouldn't complain - I got my life back after all. The yell echoes through my thoughts once more giving me a pounding headache, _"Kai! Hurry up, or we'll be late for breakfast!"_

I mentally groan and toss the covers back and get up, it was 9 AM in the morning and we were supposed to go to the local diner for breakfast since there wasn't very many restaurants to choose from anyway, I tug at my scarf pulling it tighter before exiting the room towards the main room where my team stood, Tyson was giddy and overall impatient, not that, that was even unusual in the most remote way.

"I'm here," I mumbled, stating the obvious and mentally kicking myself for it, Mr. Dickenson nodded and grabbed the keys off the drawer, we were on our way. I trail behind the rest of my team as we head for the bus, I don't see Hilary anywhere though, maybe she hadn't of come along, though I feel that weird feeling once more and it's not pleasant in the least. I'm more confused than ever and to be honest, it's hard to explain why.

It's almost like I didn't remember all these events occurring, just as it was like I had never died in the first place, I am the last one to enter on the bus behind Rei, Tyson is chattering with Max happily about what he was going to order, I roll my eyes slightly and walk on to the back of the bus and take a seat, it was not like it would be any different, I always did this during my 'first life' so it wasn't unusual to them.

Or well... they didn't even **KNOW** about my first life, I groan inwardly until I glance down and see the metal gauntlets on my arms, it's come back to me now, I must of fallen back in time to a few months after I became the team captain, that may explain the lack of Hilary Tachibana on this trip. Though I'm quite sure the others may remember her, maybe I still adorned these gauntlets when we met her.

"Rei?" I quietly ask reaching out a hand and tapping the neko jin on the shoulder, the golden eyed neko jin gave me a look of utter surprise when I did that, obviously back then I never really said much. "What?"

Rei's brows furrow in both confusion and worry, I manage to choke back the lump in my throat that had spontaneously formed. "Where's Hilary?"

Rei only looks at me like I had grown two heads, the rest of my team and even Kenny looks back at me with a confused expression. "Who's Hilary?" Rei asks, staring at me like the others, I shiver slightly - this was definitely not when we met her.

"The tag along on our team," I respond blatantly. "Tyson always referred to her as the wicked witch of the eighth grade."

They only stared.

"Kai, there is no Hilary," Rei finally said, golden eyes reflecting worry. "Heh, must be his imaginary girlfriend."

I felt like sinking down into my seat, so obviously I was definitely back in time, though everything seemed so much more different now, it is scaring me slightly to be truthful. I don't say anymore and the gazes fall away from me, I can only look out the cold glass and wonder.

--

_Thunk. SPLASH._

The cold metal falls from my hand straight into the bowl, I stare at the cereal that sits before me, untouched, Tyson is inhaling his food a lot quicker than any of the others, I don't want to eat - the nausea is settling in, the nausea if knowing that nothing was the same now, I was now existing back in another time and it wasn't even remotely normal, Kenny is slowly sipping some orange juice while typing in his laptop.

I stare at the spoon that now lays in the white, cold liquid holding back the urge to vomit. I have no clue why I began feeling this way, though the feeling is there but only worsens when I hear Rei mention that we would be traveling through the european continent on the way to Russia.

That did it right there.

"Excuse me," I mutter abruptly, rather they were used to me being this way or not was another story but for now I couldn't care, I threw the chair back and rushed to the restroom and slam the door shut, only for the sound of vomiting to follow.

I heave slightly before dropping down next to the wall, the restroom in itself could easily get this place shut down but it was the least of my worries right now, I had finally come to terms - my life was not passing before my eyes, I had become stuck in this one place at this one time.

The wave of nausea again.

I can only heave over and throw up again, my head is spinning and my vision is blurred by some tears that formed from all of this, I may of had my life back but this wasn't something I could get used to so easily.

"Kai, are you okay?"

_Knocking._

I don't answer but I know who it was, Rei. I can't answer, I still feel the waves of nausea crashing through my system and it wasn't normal, Rei left to go back to the table, I knew because I could hear his distant foot steps leaving.

--

_"Have you noticed how strange Kai has been acting lately?"_

_"What's so strange about that? He's already strange as it is."_

_"I don't know, maybe he's sick?"_

_"No, I think it's just a phase."_

Their words are echoing through my head, we had arrived back at the hotel an hour ago, I left the room and went to the bedroom and laid down, the beds were waterbeds, which was no surprise with the theme of this hotel. I could hear their words in the other room, they were talking behind my back but then I couldn't blame them, I wasn't acting like I did during when I was first like this.

But then again I guess I still hold the mentality and mind of when I was sixteen years old, I grumble and bury my face in the soft pillow, I'm silently hoping that everything will make sense in the end but for now it isn't.

My eyes finally shut and I drift off into a deep sleep.


	3. Faint And Faded

**Chapter Two: **Faint And Faded

The wind chill is colder than I thought, I swallow the little saliva that had formed in my parched mouth as I stare at the tall building before me, my light blue trench coat fluttering around me in the icy, chilled winds, I remembered this place so well, it was all an vivid imagery in my mind as I stared upon it, dark grey clouds loom over the white cross that stands on top of the building with it's sharp, pointed end.

I knew this place, I knew it better than anyone, and I'm sure that my father even my grandfather could tell you that, but father is not around and grandfather doesn't care, he only cares for world domination and nothing more. This place haunted me for the past years of my life, probably too many to count, so many countless years spent in the cold, dark confines of this building.

The abbey.

I knew the truth behind what really lied within this place, every cruel act, every drop of blood spilled, every death mocked the crosses that lined the top of this building. I knew what was to happen, I had been in this situation once before, I had entered and had another bout with Black Dranzer, I betrayed my own team before the tournament. Though now it seemed different, the building was empty it seemed.

Things have changed I suppose, as I've probably dropped down into another time because my team didn't even remember the events of what had happened at the diner, or even on the bus. It was almost like it had never happened, I look to the side for a moment, the side walks were practically empty. Shoving my hands into the pockets of the coat I walked forth towards the large wooden oak doors on the front of the depressing and dark building.

I raised a hand for a moment, my eyes sank closed as I inhaled the cold Moscow air, it did nothing for my already dry mouth and throat as my crimson eyes opened again, I reached up and grabbed the golden handle before pushing the heavy door open, and much to my surprise for it being unlocked, it just swung open with ease before banging against the walls with a hollow clang. There is nothing there anymore, the room was completely empty. I want to believe that this might be a trick, despite I despise this place, the changes that are happening is not helping.

"Hello?" I call out, my voice echoes off the walls before finally fading into the silence, the silence haunts me now as I step into the forlorn building, crimson eyes darting around nervously feeling that maybe, just maybe this would of been another trap. Nothing, though. I tap my foot against the floor expecting a trap door to open and for me to fall through, but there is nothing. The stairwell's railing is covered in thick inches of dust like no one had lived here in years, dried blood was spotted on the floor from where some of the 'failures' as Boris called them, were taken and beaten to death.

Though no one had ever seen this because it was well hidden from the public, but there was no sign of life anywhere, I can still hear the tortured screams but no one else who ever dared to set foot in here could. I know I should just get out of here and get back to my team but I want to know, I want answers. I walk to the door that is hidden behind the stairwell and pull it open, it creaks with old age as a set of stairs leads down into a cold abyss of darkness, the only source of light is the barely burning torches that lined the wall, they had been burning all these years.

"Anyone...?" I finally call out, my voice had finally choked out of my dry throat. But there is no answer, not even the echo of my voice to answer me, I head on down the steps as the torches grow dimmer and dimmer.

I finally reach another heavy oak door and pull it open, yellow papers that were once white were scattered across the floors, they were old with age just like everything in this building, I can only inhale another breath and the dusty air invades my lungs, the training facility was down here and it is long since forgotten and abandoned. The papers were documents, fake documents to fool anyone who entered.

The papers looked like they were signed by an actual abbot, but Boris was anything but that.

I feel a sting down in my gut, my eyes are glazing over with tears. I would never cry over this place, I would never cry for anyone in this place, in fact I'd never cry, but the feeling of being alone now is just too much. I used to like my solitude, choosing to be alone rather than among my team, but now the feeling is eating away at me and I want to be near some kind of life, I just don't want to be by myself.

I can't handle it, I turn and run back up the stairs with my white scarf whipping around me, I just want out of this place. I run back into the main room, the heavy oak door I had passed through slamming shut with a loud 'bang' that echoed off of white washed and hollow walls, I finally ran out the front doors and was greeted by a blast of cold, chilly air but I ignored it as I sprinted out the fence and on towards the sidewalk.

I just wanted far away from this place now, I continue running until the abbey is clear out of sight.

--

_"Where is Kai?"_

_"Probably joining some Freak Show,"_

_"Maybe he just went for a walk."_

I could hear them clearly from where I was, I sank down behind some bushes exhausted, I knew those voices. Tyson, Rei and Max. Tyson of course was coming up with some explanation to my absence, but it didn't seem to matter to him anyways. Rei on the other hand sounded worried, despite he tried to remain calm. I could tell by his voice, I can only inhale the icy air.

I wanted to go out and be there with them, but my legs - my body refused to remove from this spot, I can hear the leaves or the very few that was left lining the nearly bare trees rustling in the wind before being carried off. I could never return to this place, too many horrid memories that haunt me now, I wonder how much of this city died away, the abbey sure did. I don't know what happened and I really shouldn't care.

But things were more different than the first time I was here, I reach into my pocket and pull out Dranzer, I stare at the bit chip on top of my blue blade before my eyes well up again, I wasn't going to cry.. I just couldn't do that, I never did it before so it'd be bad enough if I started now. The past and knowing what was happening hurt, a lot. Father was probably dead now and Mother, who knows.

They probably don't even remember me now, I can hear foot steps behind me and I look back through the bushes to see Max pacing across the stone side walk before turning back to the rest of the team.

"When is Kai coming back?"

I feel my heart lift a little, as if knowing that they did 'worry' for my absence, but Tyson's retort of "I don't know, he never comes back most of the time." caused my heart to sink again, but what was I supposed to expect? This was Tyson and my team, I had never treated them very fairly so I guess it'd only make sense that they would feel this way, but either way it still hurt. Though I guess I could say now I knew how they felt.

And it wasn't a pleasant feeling, it only worsened this feeling that I had, I can only close my eyes and remember some of the 'good times' we've had.

_"No way you'll beat me, Max!"_

_Tyson's cheerful and joyful laughter had stung the air as he ran through the fallen snow after the blonde, a fistful of snow in his hand waiting to be thrown, my team didn't figure I noticed because I was behind a tree like I usually was, but I was watching the entire thing through the corner of my eye. Max laughed as he dove behind a large stone just as Tyson threw the snowball, it missed and hit the back of Kenny's laptop._

_"Hey-!" Kenny cried, in both utter surprise and annoyance._

_"Talk about a freeze." Dizzi mumbled, not so much amused either. I just shook my head, Rei remained planted on a stone a few feet away with a light blue mug in his hands, steam rising up into the air._

_"Oh, I think I will," Max shouted and before anyone knew it, a snowball caught Tyson right between the eyes and he fell back into the snow, I had to hold back a small chuckle of amusement at their antics. Part of me wanted to join in on the wintry game, but I knew that they'd suspect something if I started acting like a 'team player', they were never used to me acting that way._

_The yells only got louder as the sun shined brilliantly over us._

My eyes opened, I remembered that day, it had been one of the best. Though my team didn't even notice that I was interested or watching and part of me was silently thankful for that, I look up at the skies with a small, faint glimmer of hope that the sun would be shining.

But it wasn't, only grey clouds hung over us, I heaved a sigh and got up dusting my pants off, it was time to leave anyway and I know my team wouldn't appreciate waiting around for me to come back.

I push past the hedges and walk off in the direction of my team.

--

_"So, when are we going to eat again?"_

_"TYSON!"_

The usual argument was there, I could tell by the yelling, I look towards the fogged, glass windows in silence as I hear Tyson's remark of _"What? We haven't eaten since breakfast and I'm starving!"_

Part of me wants to respond to that but I keep my mouth shut, I wanted a lot to do with my team right now, but that was just a wish, one that would probably not come true because the past has changed.

_My _past has changed.

And it doesn't feel like it did before, it only feels more hollow and empty, I can hear Kenny remarking that we were not near civilization and that the nearest fast food joint or even restaurant was not even for another hundred miles.

"Aw, Man!" I hear Tyson whine before the sound of a flop, I know that was him hitting his bus seat, I can hear his mumbling and pouting about how it wasn't fair that we had to go another hundred miles just to get something to eat.

I faintly smirk to myself, this was my team and I knew it. My crimson eyes turn towards the window to see the same grey clouds, my hope is faint and maybe gone, but I keep my eyes locked on the grey skies.

Maybe, Just maybe, one day the sun would shine brilliantly again.


	4. Internal Attack

**NOTE: **It may seem strange that I'd say something now but I might as well, don't be shocked by me updating everyday - I'm constantly having ideas for this fic so I can't help but update daily, also This chapter may contain character death, but you'll just have to see for yourself.

Also there is no need to point out that I switch between present and past, that was done purposely for this chapter, but this isn't the weirdest one I have written, there'll probably be even more even weirder than it.

**Chapter Three: **Internal Attack

_I watched as the hope in his eyes faded into nothingness, I felt a pang of guilt but ignored it, everyone was staring - even without being near my team it was still all too weird, his eyes reflected sadness before tears glazed over his eyes as he shook violently, the pen falls from his hand and hits the cold, marble floor with a clatter and the blank paper just floats down to the floor without much sound._

_"K-Kai..." was all he whispered before he turned and ran as fast as his legs could take him, I could hear the double doors swing open as he ran out them and then closed, I knew everyone's gaze was momentarily directed in that direction before they turned to me with a look of ice, I could only shake it off and turn and walk away. I hated this prep school, there was nothing but weirdo's in here._

_'I'm your biggest fan!'_

_His words are still imprinted in my mind, his name was Wyatt. I doubt I have ever met someone like him, but just like I did others I was cold to him and he finally didn't get the hint until I shouted some very harsh words to him, ones that even surprised me for a change but I won't repeat them, I just can't do it. I only head back to the dorm room before sitting down on the bed, every feeling of guilt running through me._

--

_"KAI! WAKE UP!"_

I groan and stir slightly before my crimson eyes open, the room is older than before and my body is aching, I don't know why, the air is a lot thicker and colder, a black and silver blade falls down from the ceiling nearly striking me, I yelp and force my body to the side as it smashes down cracking the concrete below me. I caught a glimpse of my team standing across the room unable to move.

_Smash._

The blade smashes down again and I dodge, I don't know what time line I've been dropped into now but it's definitely not a good one, I reach into my pocket withdrawing my launcher and Dranzer, this is the only line of defense I have, I can only jam the dark blue blade onto the launcher all the while dodging the attacks, I don't know who is attacking me or who thinks they're strong enough to take me down anyway.

I manage to shove Dranzer onto the launcher, the blade smashes down upon me again, I hear my team shouting but I can't acknowledge their words right now, I can only aim and hope that I don't screw this up or this would be the end of me.

_"Dranzer, GO!"_

I felt myself shouting this as I pull the ripcord, my blade flies off and spins through the air before smacking against the cold stone and slamming down on the other blade, the blade is knocked back a clear ways but comes back, I can only look back briefly at my team, Tyson is shouting something that I can't hear, the sound of metal smashing against each other is just too loud.

"Dranzer!" I shout, the blade slams against the strange one shoving it across the stone floor, fire and sparks are igniting in the chilly, dusty air. My crimson eyes are locked on what is happening, there is only one way to end this fight quickly.

_"Dranzer, Flame Saber, NOW!" _I shout as a bright orangish light bursts up out of my blade, Dranzer emits a loud screech as it arises from the blade, flames flying around as Dranzer locks in on the target, a large burst of flames shoots down slamming against the other blade throwing it against the wall as it slowly stops spinning.

I breathe a small sigh of relief as my team cheers, I catch Dranzer in my hand just before the owner of the blade approaches from the shadows, a pale hand reaches down and picks up the black and silver blade, dark eyes locked on me coldly.

"So...I couldn't beat you..." came a dark response, my crimson eyes narrow slightly.

_"Who are you!?" _I shout, I want answers.. my eyes remain locked on the silhouette that stands before me, but much to my surprise whoever it was emits a dark chuckle as they step forth from the shadows into the light, my eyes go wide.

_"Wyatt!?"_

--

_"I hate you!" he screams throwing the book at my feet, I can only stare as tears pour down from his dark eyes, he was shaking dangerously - a nervous break down I suppose, but there wasn't much I could do, I only keep my gaze locked as he falls to his knees in the middle of the dorm room sobbing, his green jacket was unkempt as dark brown hair fell around his pale face._

_"I... I was your biggest fan! I TRUSTED you!" he screams, he must have not forgotten how I had treated him a couple days ago, luckily no one else was present or this would cause quite a show for them. I don't say anything as tears pour down his face, most boys don't cry but this isn't the first I've ever seen. I had seen worse in the abbey, I remain silent the best I can as he stares up at me._

_His dark eyes reflecting pain, betrayal, sadness._

_Though I refuse to fall into it and change my way of thinking, what has been said has been said. He only looks at me numbly before standing up, wiping tears away. "I'll never forgive you..."_

_And with that he runs from the dorm only to turn back for a split second and scream "NEVER!" and with that he runs off, leaving me here alone in the dorm room._

--

My heart is thumping harder than before, I am not where I was before, Oh no, I was somewhere else and I don't know why, I can see the stairwell before me as I tear up the old, creaking stairs, something is telling me that things aren't normal and I knew I was right, my team was somewhere in here but to be honest I didn't know where.

"KAI!" his voice echoes as he tears after me, I hear his thundering footsteps and my heartbeat is quickening, it was almost like most of my past _wasn't _happening, I gasp back a short breath of air and throw open a wooden door leading into the kitchen, the blue and white tiled floor was flying past me in a blur - it was like one of those cliché classic movies though that was the last thing on my mind right now.

I run to the silverware drawer and throw it open, there in the center of the old wood is a large knife, I grab it and slam the drawer shut just as footsteps approach, I whirl around to see Wyatt standing before me, his dark eyes burning through me with total coldness, I can see my team from the corner of my eye, they must of found their way here. Wyatt says nothing and runs towards me to attack.

I dodge to the side and he hits the counter and falls back on the floor, Tyson and the others are yelling something to me that I don't understand at all, I can only back up as I see the scowl darken across Wyatt's face.

"I told you I'd never forgive you!" he shouts and runs towards me at full speed, this couldn't keep up and I didn't the only thing I could and held my arms up in front of me, my eyes squeeze shut preparing for the blow but it never comes but instead I hear a flurry of shocked gasps, I open my eyes to see Wyatt inches from my face with a distorted look of shock and pain on his now pale face, my crimson eyes trail to where he was looking and I feel my blood run cold.

Blood.

His blood stains my hands, the knife driven into his gut, Tyson and the others stare at me with wide eyes, I can hear Tyson's shocked gasp and exclamation of "You...You killed him!"

I feel dizzy now and I release the blood soaked knife handle and his body falls back with a thud, I have no idea what is going on or why the past keeps changing but all I know is the sick, nauseated feeling in my stomach now.

Tyson and the other's scared screaming is the last thing I hear before I collapse to my knees and throw up.


	5. Sense Of Mind

**NOTE: **I have no idea why I'm saying something again but oh well, to those of you who are becoming confused by this fic, if you know by the prologue Kai had died, well he's alive again but he's dropping back into different time lines, randomly but some of it has changed from the first time he was alive, hence why some of the scenes that occurred in the manga/anime have changed. Also this is not a plot change at all, it's just delving into Kai's later childhood, probably before he joined the Blade Sharks.

And this is also reminding me of that movie _The Butterfly Effect_... anyways I'm gonna shut up now so you guys can read this chapter.

**Chapter Four: **Sense Of Mind

_The sound of metal clanging against metal is heard echoing off of white washed walls, the doors flew open and I ran in as fast as my legs could carry me, I don't know what's happening now but I must of been dropped in another time line, however I never remembered this to begin with. I slam the doors shut and quickly shove a large desk, with all my strength in front of it to keep them out, just for now. I quickly sprint across the room and grab the notebook that I own, I remembered it faintly from my own childhood now, or well earlier._

_Mother had given it to me to calm my 'psychological trauma' after father left me behind. My thoughts go blank as I dart under another desk, sweat pouring down my pale face._

**'Whatever happens...whoever sees this...Will know...I'm doing this...just...To save them...and myself...'**

_The words were written quickly on the small parchment from the notebook, The pounding on the door is steadily becoming louder and my heartbeat is speeding faster, they are trying to knock the door down, trying to take me away and I knew it._

_They had thought I had went mad._

_'Please let this work, please let this work...'_

_I thought numbly as I squeeze my eyes shut, There wasn't much time left. The glass in the windows shatter and the doors finally give way, only just as a blinding white light tore through reality. It was something I had never felt before._

_There was no pain, no sound. Just a black void, a empty black void for those few moments._

--

My mother's expression turns concerned as she looks at my artwork, It had been that day when they told us to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. My mother was staring at the picture I had drawn. A picture of me standing on a pile of dead people holding a bloodied knife, she looks at the teacher.

"Why did he draw this?"

I hear her ask silently, I can see the teacher reflect her a sad expression meaning there was no good news behind this.

"He said he doesn't remember."

My mother can only shake her head before putting the picture down on the desk, watching me from across the room as I sit there with my knees pulled to my chest, I don't understand what part of my life this is, I may of blocked it out.

10 years old, I was back when I was 10 years old.. three years earlier than when everything even began, I groan to myself mentally, today was obviously my worst day, I don't even know why Mother and my teacher are talking the way they are, it made no sense.

Nothing made sense, at all.

Though I could recall that none of my team even remembered Wyatt's death or the funeral, I suppose this may of had something to do with what caused me to kill him in the first place, I can only close my eyes.

--

"Come on, Kai."

I hear my mother mutter as I watch her head for the door and then towards the car, I frowned as I scoot out my seat and started towards the door, only catching eye contact with a boy with dark blue hair, He wore a red and white shirt, a big red 'T' in the middle of his shirt as he watches me leave the classroom, I can feel his stare.

_Tyson?_

No, couldn't be.

The door closes on the car as I pull the seat belt around me, I could tell by mother's that she was both worried and disappointed in me, I shuffle uncomfortably in my seat as I gaze out the window watching the scenery pass by quickly.

A few moments later I look from the window to my mother, feeling sick in the pit of my stomach.

"When is Father coming home?"

My mother's expression twists slightly and her maroon eyes cast to me, but only for a brief few seconds before she turns her gaze back to the road, I knew she wouldn't tell me, she doesn't think I can handle the truth, not now, she thinks I wouldn't understand.

"Your father isn't coming home for awhile, some nice doctors took him in to keep him for some tests." Mother responds, I only turn my eyes down to the floor of the car, I knew I had to believe her. What choice was there?

--

**'Today, Mother is taking me to see father. I wonder if I'm in trouble for drawing what I drew...'**

I write down in my notebook before closing it, I have been waiting thirty minutes since we have gotten home for Mother to be ready. Walking over to the drawer I open it and pull out a rather large knife, the cold metal gleaming cruelly in the fluorescent lights of the kitchen, I hear foot steps and turn around just as Mother walks in through the doorway.

"Kai, sweetie, what are you going to do with that knife?" her voice is nervous, My eyes were locked on mother and my stare was blank, the knife falls from my hands to the floor with a metallic clatter. "I...don't know..."

--

The metal door opens leading into a padded room, I was lead in and put in a chair as the guards turn and walk out of the room and close the door, I know they are standing outside just in case something happens, I am waiting patiently. I know Mother is standing outside the room watching through a sound-proof glass window, I know she is nervous because I can feel it.

A few minutes later the door before me opens up and two other guards are escorting a man in, he has the same blue hair as me and cold crimson eyes like me, I could see the handcuffs locked around his wrists. He sits down across the room from me, I force a smile towards him but he never even cracked a smile.

"I hear you are getting good grades, Am I right?"

He rasps, I jumped slightly and then I nodded. The last time I had even seen Father was when I was smaller, it was in my grandfather's office, he and grandfather Voltaire were arguing over him playing with me rather than doing his job, Father finally stormed that he preferred to continue working with beyblades so that he could see other children smile and he walked away, I wanted to follow but I was held back. That was years ago though and this was him now.

Father looked kind of skeptical for a few moments but it passed, beads of sweat were forming on my forehead, I looked at Father for few seconds, before I could open my mouth to say anything he lunges at me out of nowhere, it is all too quick as I am knocked against the floor, his hands wrapping around my throat.

My mother screams on the other side of the glass but I hear it, I guess the glass isn't sound-proof as they said.

_'Father... what have I done wrong? What happened to you? What happened to the father I used to know?'_

So many unanswered questions spin through my head as the doors fly open and the two guards run in seizing Father by his arms trying to pull him off of me, but to no prevail. For a brief moment I saw one of them raise up a bat and slam it down over Father's head.

My father's grip loosens and he collapses before me onto the floor, blood pooling around all of us as Mother runs in and grabs me into a tight embrace, whispering it would be okay as she ran her hands through my hair, my crimson eyes can only stare at disbelief at the dead body before me.

Father, my father - was dead.

--

"So ends this prayer, may Susumu Hiwatari rest in peace." The minister closes the book as the black casket is lowered into the ground, Mother is dabbing away the tears in her eyes as I watched silently, I had never intended for this to happen.

The same blue haired boy from my class approaches me, I can hear his footsteps as he places a hand on my shoulder, staring deep into the hole. Tears silently fell as the casket was lowered into the ground.

Father, just like Wyatt was dead.

_And it was all my fault..._


	6. Bitter Silence

**NOTE: **Sorry about the long wait on Chapter Five; I've been incredibly busy lately and haven't had the time to write any kinds of fanfiction but I finally took some time to write this chapter. I already know the plot of this fic is typically going nowhere but whatever, I'm going to finish it.

So heres the long awaited Chapter Five.

**Chapter Five: **Bitter Silence

_I.. was drowning in my own screams, drowning...and then the light came and the sound receded into silence...bitter, bitter silence..._

The light fades and my eyes snap open breathing deeply, I groan pushing myself off the bed, the sheets clinging to my battered frame as I clutch the notebook to my chest, my head is swimming but that is the least of my worries, the rain is falling outside.

"Kai?" I blink slowly and turn my head to the side, Hilary stood beside the bed with worry reflected off her ruby eyes. "You okay? That match had to be murder..."

I blink again, unable to comprehend what is happening to me, I groan flopping back against the hospital bed. The notebook is still clutched to my chest, I only remembered it from the last place I was dropped off in my past.

But the images of this now were so vivid.

_The darkness spun around them in a distorting and twisting hurricane, Brooklyn stands amidst the darkness with an eeriely calm expression as I raise my crimson eyes to meet his own, his gaze is darkening and he is driven insane._

_Black angel wings form behind him as he whispers something I cannot understand, I try to get away but I cannot move._

_I am shaking more violently than before, I can feel my body sinking, I look down to see black liquid slowly rising, it forces me in the same spot like a ton of cement._

_I open my mouth to scream; to pray to whatever God is out there, but this prayer will go unheard as the beast appears behind Brooklyn, black and red with white mane, glowing eerie green eyes._

_It unhinges it's massive jaws and a massive roar erupts from it's throat, the beast; Zeus comes at me at a fearful speed, I try to get away but the more I move the more I am dragged under._

_I am dragged under the cold, murky surface and I am drowning. I gasp for air desperately but to no avail, My arms flies out of the dark depths, and I can still see the pitch black skies._

_Black feathers flutter down around me as one last scream erupts from my throat and I am dragged deep under the liquid, and soon there is nothing but darkness._

--

"Kai? KAI!" Hilary's shriek jolts me awake, the rain is still pouring outside, I groan and slide the covers of the hospital bed back, the memory fresh in my now numb mind. I'm sure none of my team would remember the past, they never do.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I snap causing Hilary to go silent, part of me feels guilty for it but I pass the feeling off and head towards the bathroom, I can feel the bad taste coming back to my mouth as I slam the door shut.

Without warning my legs give way and I collapse next to the white porcelain that is the toilet, I feel the hot, sticky liquid coming back up my throat and I heave.

Blood spills from my mouth, red hot blood as it hits the cold water beneath, the taste of iron is all I can taste but I can't stop; red hot blood.. hotter than it should be keeps coming, erupting from my throat.

I feel tears coming to my eyes and my throat feels like it is on fire, soon enough it finally stops and I lose all strength and collapse, my head is pounding, blood running from the corner of my mouth.

_'Whats happening to me?' _I wonder dully, but the pounding gets worse when I hear pounding on the door.

"Kai, whats going on in there!?"

_Rei._

I want to yell back that I am fine, nothing to worry about but I cannot find my voice, groaning I sit back against the cold wall, listening to the rain pour outside.

"I'll be out in a minute..." I manage to choke out weakly but it is barely audible.

The pain is growing worse.

--

"You've been acting really strange lately..." Rei's voice jolts me from my thoughts, I blink hazily trying to comprehend it, we are at dinner and Tyson is eating his fifth helping of dinner.

"Tyson!" I can hear Hilary's frustrated yell, but anything else she is saying to the bluenette is distant, really distant. I stare at the plate of food that sits before me, it remains untouched as it was when it was given to me, I feel the nausea returning but say nothing.

"Let the doofus do what he wants, soon he'll be too fat to compete." Daichi retorts eating what was on his plate, the last thing I recall was Hilary scolding him about manners and about not eating his vegetables, Kenny is silently chewing, I can feel his gaze locked on me.

"I'm not hungry." I finally mumble scooting the chair back and getting up, my team is giving me questioning stares but I don't want to explain.

I can't explain.

I scoot the chair back in and walk away, I feel like I'm not even here now but I do know that I am heading for the stairs, I am heading for the roof.

This was my only redemption as far as I know.

--

The cold air is unrelentless against me as my white scarf billows around me, the rain is falling faster than before, I cough slightly heading towards the edge. I seeked redemption from this hell, I wanted out.

This second chance at life was too much, it was spiraling out of control to me- I groan and walk forth, the rain falling harder and there is a crack of thunder, my inner conscience is yelling at me about the fatal mistake that I'm about to make, but nothing matters anymore.

Not anymore.

Just as I step up onto the stone ledge the metal door behind me flies open, "Kai!"

I look back to see my team staring at me shocked and hurt, I smile bitterly in their direction, Hilary runs to me, the others are gaping, Tyson makes a snide remark on how I'm doing this for attention.

"Kai! What are you doing!?" Hilary shrieks but I am silent, I only look back at them sadly.

"Goodbye."

And with that the scenery is spinning around me faster and faster, I hear their screams but they are coming more distant and soon I cannot hear them.

I always heard that falling feels like flying, until you hit the ground.

_'I'm sorry...' _was the last thought to cross my mind before the darkness came.


	7. Broken Minds

**NOTE: **Not hard to believe that the updates are getting later and later but eh; I've been pretty busy lately. Decided to present the long over-due Chapter Six to you, the readers. And don't think its the end yet, we still have some ways to go with this and such.

I'm not going to say much more because I don't want to spoil it for you, the readers.

**Chapter Six: **Broken Minds

The wind is whistling around me and my crimson eyes snap open; I can only remember falling but once again I am not dead. It's like some force is keeping me here alive for a purpose and that purpose I did not know of. I recognize deep blue skies and green grass around me.

I see saddened ruby eyes and blink suddenly and shove my body into sitting position, Hilary runs forth frantic as she drops down in front of me. "Kai!' she shouts shaking me, but her voice is far away- it's distant. I gurgle a little and try to snap from this daze. Her crying and incessant going on about something bad happening had gradually faded out.

"They're dead, Kai," she whispers staring into my eyes. I don't understand, who died? I don't recall there being any funerals. She quickly lifted her hand to wipe away the tears that spilled down her face. "Who died?" I ask quietly, hoping that soon everything would make sense.

A look of sorrow came into her ruby eyes as her eyes met my own. "The Blade Breakers..."

--

The piece of paper in my hand is like ice to my hands, cold against the backdrop of the world behind me. There were seven numbers on that piece of paper, names, everything. It couldn't be true, just couldn't be. Though I can faintly see a blood stained knife on the dresser. The authorities had arrived earlier asking me questions, all in which I answered truthfully- I didn't know.

I honest to God did not know, they said that I was suspected of murder but it all seemed foreign to me. Hilary had been crying, stating that she saw it with her own eyes and that I had fled the night of the murder. It was like I had been in a trance when I killed them off, when I had snapped out of it I had fled and was found passed out a few hours later.

_"He's probably suffering from amnesia." _one of the paramedics had said earlier, I felt my gut lurch and drop. How could I be suffering from it? I remembered everything about my life and this wasn't part of it! The only other thing aside from the knife that I could see was that familiar black notebook. Quickly grabbing it, I sprint to the closest chair and sit down.

Maybe there would be clues in there about what is going on. I quickly pull the book open and flip through it through the most recently dated entry and my eyes are widening as I read across the page and discover what I have apparently written.

**'I am writing this as I hide out behind some trees in the Bey City park, they haven't discovered me yet but they have discovered the bodies of my team. I had snapped and killed them off. Tyson was the first to go, the idiot was the one who stood in my way and tried to stop me.**

**Next I took down his little friend Kenny, he was weak. I should of done that back when I was still leader of the Blade Sharks. next was Max, his pleads for mercy and for the fact that I had a heart were useless, they meant nothing to me. Daichi and Rei were easy to kill as well.**

**All that was left was Hilary, but she escaped before I could do anything. She ran to call the police, I know it. She'll get her's soon too.'**

I was horrified by the bold faced text that that was my hand writing scrawled across the pages of this notebook. This wasn't who I really was, I wasn't a murder. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to catch my breath and calm the beating of my erratic thundering heart.

But my eyes shoot open again for when I close them all I can see is images of the bodies of my team, their hollow- lifeless eyes staring at the cieling, no, into nowhere. There was no soul in this bodies, no life. just corpses.

Dropping the notebook I quickly get up and sprint out the front door, I need to find Hilary and straighten this out once and for all.

--

I can feel their hate filled stares as I tear down the roads towards the Tachibana residence. I can see the large house coming into sight and I am silently praying that she will take the time and listen. But part of me doubts it, where I normally would be cold and apathetic- it was like that part of me died.

At least for now. I quickly run up the steps and pound on the door, I hear footsteps approaching from inside and Hilary opens the door while rubbing one eye. Her eyes widen with fear when she see's me. "What are you doing here?" she mumbles, stepping back but still gripping the door.

Prepared to slam it shut in my face at any moment. "We need to talk." was the only thing I said.

--

"How can I believe you? Your a murder!" Hilary shrieked as I felt myself having urges to sink down into the couch and disappear but I keep silent as I stare into her ruby red eyes. "You have to believe me, please," I plead- it was against my sole nature to plead for help from anyone but now it seemed like it was the only thing I could do. Hilary's eyes furrowed as I look at her.

"I didn't kill them, I swear. I don't even remember doing it!" I manage to choke out as Hilary grabs my arm and is shoving me for the door. "I'm calling the cops," she whispers gesturing to the phone. My crimson eyes darken as I feel my heart thundering and beginning to sink. I should of known not to hope for any help right now.

"Please, don't," I plead as she pushes me into the doorway. I grab the doorframe to keep from being officially shoved outside, she is looking at me coldly. "I didn't kill them, I'm being honest," she remains silent as I take in a dark shaky breath.

"You have to believe me..." my eyes met her own and I can't tell rather she is willing to accept it or is going to call the law out on me anyway. "...please..." I whisper, my voice shaking. Her eyes soften a little as she grips the door. "I'm sorry," she begins and I feel my gut drop, it was the answer I was hoping not to get.

"But I... can't believe you." and with that I am pushed fully out of her house and the door is slammed shut and I hear it locked tight. My spirit sinks as I begin to walk away off the porch, so this life really wasn't what it cracked up to be after all.

I, Kai Hiwatari, was a murder.


End file.
